If I told you that the secret to being a great parent starts by understanding yourself better as a human being, you'll most likely think that's ridiculous. 

As is the popular culture in parenting, we parents are more likely to look at our children as the reason we're not great parents yet—you've certainly told them a number of things more than once and yet, they don't listen!

It's them —not you, or is it? 

The Crazy To Calm; The Empowered Parent Programme seeks to bring a different perspective to the way you're currently going about succeeding as a parent. 

Your style as it works, and if you think you're doing a good job, you probably are doing a good job. This course, however, will take you from Good to Great as far as #parenting goes. 

One of the first articles on my blog tell you about that first conscious step to great parenting and you can read that article right now when you follow this link:

https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/.../34278-self...

Seriously, wouldn't you rather find out how to go from good parenting to great parenting? 

#parenttree #fromcrazytocalm #selfwareparent #empoweredparenting #empoweredparent #positiveparenting #parentinggoals

Have you ever had that feeling? That rush of anger when your child is misbehaving? Whether it’s throwing food away or simply refusing to answer questions, kids have many ways of getting on our nerves and are constantly testing our boundaries.

We hear a great deal about the importance of emotional self-regulation in children. Sure, you need to teach your child how to manage emotions, but without a clear and consistent awareness of your own emotions, your child's emotional health may be left to chance.

I’ve listened to parents go on and on about kids who disobey simple instructions, fight with siblings, or throw the occasional temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want. 

“I get mad when my son compares me to his best friend's mom,” complains Maria, a parent in one of our parenting group sessions. It’s frustrating that an 8-year-old can make those comparisons. 

Although your kids can drive you up a wall with their words and actions, you must strive for balance and self-regulation. You may be prone to an overreaction, feeling justified that your child’s behaviour led to your reaction. It all happens in a flash, and you may be tempted to make a wishy-washy resolution. Before you know it, you see your kids displaying the same kinds of overreactions that seem unrelated to the situations that triggered them. 

Before it is too late, you must grow conscious of your emotional reactions. You must understand that your kids are vulnerable and inexperienced. Are you overreacting to the things they do? 

Let the question above sit in your mind for a while.

Is it possible that your child’s behaviour may have reminded you of something from your past? 

Some parents say that their outbursts toward their children weren't at all intended, that it felt like they were not able to control themselves. Suppose you’ve found yourself in the category of people who uncontrollably overreact. In that case, I have news for you, if you don’t stop at the first chance you get, you will successfully create a cycle of unresolved emotions. 

This article will show you effective practices that will help you understand your emotional triggers and manage them. After all, you want your children to manage and regulate their emotions; You should be confident that you’re not standing in their way. 

Understanding Emotional Triggers 

An emotional trigger is an element in any experience that causes an emotional reaction. You know that tight feeling you get when your child makes a comment that may not be a big deal to other people but shuts you down for a whole day? All of a sudden, you find yourself thrown into feelings of anxiety, guilt, or shame. 

Many parents who have been through traumatic experiences are often sensitive to the pain from the past. Events similar to the ones they have experienced in the past can incite emotional responses, even if there isn’t a direct correlation between their present experience and the past experience.

 Why do we all have triggers?

The simple answer - unresolved feelings. As a child, you could not cope with deeply distressing feelings. The more scared and helpless you felt, the more you were prone to trauma. As an adult, when you encounter experiences that remind you of those old feelings, you react in irrational ways or use unhealthy methods to manage those painful feelings. 

What are some examples of emotional triggers? 

So, what triggers you? You may be wondering what on earth could trigger you to act out irrationally. Here are a few examples of the kinds of situations that reveal unresolved trauma: 

• Getting a disapproving look from your child.

• Being shamed or blamed for something.

• When your child is being judgmental or critical of you.

• When someone you love is too busy to make time for you.

• When someone is trying to control you.

• When someone is being needy or trying to smother you.

• Feeling rejected by someone you care about. 

• Being left by someone you love or even the threat that they will leave you.

• Feelings of helplessness in painful situations.

• When someone discounts or ignores you. 

These examples above are supposed to get you thinking about situations that could potentially expose you to an overreaction. You may not have encountered any of those situations, but try to simulate these feelings - can you handle it? 

What are some clues that you are being triggered? 

We aren’t always conscious of our emotional triggers. It’s usually at the end of an irrational overreaction that we begin to notice that something has triggered us. In therapy, some parents say they don’t usually feel that the past is truly past; when triggered, the feeling thrusts them back to the event in the past that elicited that sort of behaviour.

There are a few ways to spot an emotional trigger as it’s manifesting. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all-solutions to emotional triggers, but when it comes to your children, there are clues that can keep you informed: 

• If your child says or does something and you feel angry and yell at the top of your voice, you’ve been emotionally triggered. 

• If your child causes you to feel deeply sad, and you remember having had a similar feeling many times in the past, you’ve probably been triggered. 

• If you are enraged, and you feel like spanking, flogging, or slapping your child. That’s a clear sign that you’ve been triggered. 

The importance of recognizing triggers. 

Experts confirm that unresolved trauma can pass through generations and continue to plague kids for a long time. When you become aware of your triggers, you increase the odds to favour a positive response for your child’s emotional wellbeing. Suppose there are already some areas where your unconscious, irrational reactions are damaging your child. In that case, you can then start taking significant steps to resolve those situations. Most times, what you need to do is take a step back and analyze a situation. It is only from recognizing your triggers that you would be able to respond more proactively. 

If you identify your emotional triggers, you will uncover the roots of your past emotional hurts that affect the way you interact with your child. With this awareness, you will create a nurturing environment for your child. 

How do you heal from your emotional triggers? 

We all have emotional triggers, that’s for sure. You may feel that you are not up to the challenge of discovering exactly what your triggers are, but you can only truly heal when you begin the process of getting to know and understand your triggers. 

At this point, you know the meaning of emotional triggers, some examples, and their origin. Now the big question is - how do you heal from your emotional triggers? First of all, accept that there are no perfect parents. Mistakes are an inevitable part of living, what matters most is how you deal with the issues. Here are some steps to get you started on the healing process: 

1. Practice self-care: Put in a conscious effort to ensure that you take care of your own emotional, mental and physical health. Mental self-care takes many forms, it includes doing things that help you maintain a healthy inner dialogue. While practicing self-care, be mindful of your parenting; Notice when you can’t carry out tasks in front of you. Your focus should be on how you can care for yourself (“Me Time”) so that you can effectively care for your kids. 

2. Be very honest with yourself: When you think about your reactions to various emotional triggers, are you being sincere to yourself? Are your reactions mild and easy to resolve or are they wild and hard to resolve? Thinking honestly about your triggers is a crucial step in the healing process. Being honest about the entire situation will help you realize when it’s time to seek out professional assistance in working through your triggers

3. Educate yourself: Joyful parenting can only be achieved through constant learning. There isn’t a manual on how to raise kids and that’s exactly why it’s an ongoing process. Start by reading articles about self-awareness and parenting. Join a Facebook page that discusses parenting issues. Enrol in online courses that teach you how to become more aware of yourself as a parent. Sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where you feel like speaking one-on-one with a professional, just don’t stop learning.

Many of us come from toxic families, and when the family of origin isn’t a safe place, the wounds that are left unhealed go deep. Many of the parents in my group sessions feel understood and comforted by other members of the group. It’s not just a group of parents who had traumatic childhoods; it’s a group of people who care about others and learn about themselves. 

3 core practices to keep in mind on your journey

Emotional self-regulation is an ongoing process. Compare it to brushing your teeth every day. To keep your teeth clean and healthy, you need to form a habit. Brush your teeth every morning and night and visit a dentist every 3 months. 

To regulate your emotions, you need to adopt a few practices and make them habits. If done long enough, you will get to a point where you will never need to blow up or react irrationally. See these practices as principles to adopt and nurture until they become a part of you. 

• Practice Self-awareness:

Self-awareness is the result of the ongoing practice of self-assessment. In practicing it, you aim to see your actions dispassionately. Do your current actions and emotions align with your internal standards? I have written extensively about self-awareness, hell, I even have an online course that can teach you how to become more self-aware. https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/crazy-to-calm-the-empowering-parent-program

For one reason: Self-awareness is like a superpower. 

As you become more self-aware, you will begin to objectively evaluate yourself, manage your emotions, and align your behaviour with your cherished beliefs. As you make self-awareness a regular practice, you will know how your child perceives you correctly, and you will be sure that you have a firm grip on your emotions. 

• Recognize habits on Autopilot :

Our thoughts and actions when repeated over time become automatic. We ease the mental burden of having to think through every situation by leaving our thoughts and actions on autopilot. A problem arises when our automatic approach is unable to effectively handle different situations. When we’re on autopilot, we become unaware of our own habits, routines, impulses, and reactions. They begin to control us, no longer us controlling them. 

There are at least one of your habits on autopilot and you need to become conscious of what it may be. Become mindful of your reactions and habits. What you’re looking for are habits that may help you get through your day but damage your ability to parent your child effectively

• Recognize your distractions

We protect and insulate our minds from the pains and boredom of day-to-day life through distractions. We stare at our phones for long hours and obsess about the past or potential future. Technology with all its perks is now a top concern as more people are losing their ability to connect with others and themselves. 

The reliance on technology is making some of us feel anxious and stressed out. Social media especially, makes us feel like we’re not enough or simply not doing enough. We use movies, books, games, and music to teleport ourselves to a place where everything is easy, where no pain exists. 

We need to become aware of our distractions. 

Being distracted is inevitable, but a rule of thumb to remember when it comes to handling distractions is to ensure that you are choosing your distractions and that they are not choosing you. 

You can allow yourself to drift off on your phone for a while if that’s what you need, but you must remain aware that you made that choice. I also encourage you to take your distractions in bite-sized amounts if you can. Never binge on a distraction. 

Let me conclude with this vivid quote by the renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung :

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”

You now know about some of your emotional triggers and some effective way to manage them. Use every chance you get to apply what you’ve learned from this post. If you want your children to be emotionally intelligent and able to regulate their emotions effectively, You need to be exemplary. Make sure that you’re not standing in their way. 

Meet Your Trainer

I am Arlette, a parent coach, a psychologist and mother of two with experience helping parents and children build their relationships successfully. I believe that an awareness of the self is the key to a more joyful and fulfilling parenting experience. That’s why I created my course From Crazy To Calm - The Empowered Parent Program. Self-Awareness For More Joyful Parenting to help parents gain more self-awareness. When you enrol in my course, you become part of a private support group where parents interact and share meaningful feedback with each other. https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/crazy-to-calm-the-empowering-parent-program 

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The thing about jealousy is that we all get jealous at some point in our lives. However, when the jealousy turns into bitterness and the person acts on it by causing deliberate harm of any sort or by taking the joy out of someone else’s misery then that is not very kind, isn’t it? 

 Sometimes parents unintentionally provoke or instil jealousy by comparing their child with others. Dear parents, please stop comparing children to others because the message you are giving is “You are not good enough.” I know we all want to know how well our children are performing socially, emotionally, physically and academically and naturally, parents compare. However, just don’t share your thoughts out loud in front of your child. Who wants to be compared to someone else? If you are explicit about your feelings of comparison and you keep comparing your child with a sibling or a friend, it may generate the feeling of rivalry, low confidence, and jealousy.

 Jealousy is common in children. Children may often quarrel and have conflicts due to jealousy. A jealous child could fear that they are losing love and attention from their parents or caregivers. This may result in anxiety and anger towards siblings or friends who are getting attention. 

Children have to learn how to deal with jealousy, they are new to the emotion and may not know what to do. If left unchecked, jealousy can lead to direct consequences, such as:

• Lowered self-esteem

• Aggression toward other kids

• A feeling of helplessness

• Bullying

• Isolation

To help your child deal with envy, talk with him or her about the most common sources of jealousy.

• Material jealousy

• Academic or skills jealousy

• Social jealousy

• Sibling jealousy

Turn feelings of jealousy into productivity

Directing your child’s envy to a positive channel is a great way to reduce their negative feelings. For instance, if your child is sad because their friend received good grades, or if they lost at a football match, you may encourage and motivate them to study harder or practice harder and focus their achievement on effort rather than their ability to get better results. Therefore, channel their focus in the right direction.

Get to the root cause of jealousy

Talk to your child and know the reason why they are jealous of a particular person and then listen without judgment. There may be cases where your child may have lower self-esteem and confidence. Handle it with care; acknowledge what they are feeling and work on building their confidence. Get expert advice if you need tips on how to empower your child.

Allow your child to talk about their insecurities; talking about their jealous moments may open dialogue and an opportunity for growth. Ask your child how can he/she deal with it in a healthy way?”

Don’t compare your child to others

Never compare one child’s schoolwork, report cards, and test scores with their siblings or friends. They will not help your child to work harder. Instead, they fuel up resentment in them. Instead, teach children to stop comparing their weaknesses to another’s strengths. 

Focus on your child's strengths

Every child has strengths. Talking about that particular strength will nurture their self-esteem. You can also focus your attention on your child’s effort, rather than comparing his or her performance to that of others. Everyone can practice and work hard to improve. Teach your child that being the best isn’t the point, it’s being the best you can be is what is important. Highlight Strengths; build your child’s self-worth and connect them with their strengths.

We need to tell our kids that we treat people the way we want to be treated. Remind your child that everyone is unique and each person should be the best version of himself or herself. Get into the habit of appreciating others’ strengths. Teach your child to manage their behaviour rather than their Feelings, giving themselves control over their feelings means that they can conduct themselves with dignity; instead of giving in to irrational emotion. Draw a hard line around behaviour

Help your child improve

Another method for dealing with feelings of jealousy is to help your child improve in the areas in which he or she feels inadequate. Perhaps if jealousy is arising because of class math then private math tutoring or making sure homework is completed might be exactly what your child needs to catch up and feel more confident. Give the message to your child that "being different is okay and if you want to get better at something just you keep trying and don’t give up, you’ll get better but if you stop, you’ll get nothing.”

Practice gratitude

Practising gratitude with your child, an appreciation for material possessions, unique characteristics, and personal skills can diminish many of the feelings of jealousy that children have. There are many ways to teach your child to be grateful but check your own habits to make sure you’re modelling a positive example. By showing gratitude for your own talents, family, and life, you teach your kids that it’s not about what you have, but what you do with it. Instead, practice what you preach, model gratitude and a sense of self-worth by verbalising your appreciation for the items and talents you do have. Nothing teaches your child better than the example you set.

Focusing on experiences

Jealousy may be a result of focusing too much on material goods and social media does not help either. By opting for cool experiences, for instance, spending time with your kids, a trip to the park, museum, or a family vacation instead of a new smartphone, your child learns that there are more important things than “stuff.” 

Overindulging 

Giving in and buying your child everything he or she wants won’t stop jealousy. Instead, children can become consumed by the pursuit of accumulating things. By learning to say no, you can instil a sense of appreciation for the times when you say yes, which naturally teaches your child to value the things he or she receives.

Jealousy is a common childhood emotion, especially in children with siblings. Single children can also be jealous of their friends or cousins. You may divert your child’s attention towards positive feelings. You may also seek expert help if things have grown out of your hand. Ignoring and neglecting jealousy could negatively impact mental wellbeing in the future.

Meet the Trainer

Hello, my name is Arlette and I am a mother of two daughters. I am the Founding Director of Parent Tree; I am also a trained psychologist, parent coach, certified trainer, and school well-being consultant with over 20 years of counselling experience.

I believe that an awareness of the self is the key to a more joyful and fulfilling parenting experience. That’s why I created my course From Crazy To Calm - The Empowered Parent Program. Self-Awareness For More Joyful Parenting to help parents gain more self-awareness. When you enrol in my course, you become part of a private support group where parents interact and share meaningful feedback with each other https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/crazy-to-calm-the-empowering-parent-program 

I would love to hear from you! 

Book an online session: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/book-session

 Subscribe to my newsletter: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/blog

Website: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com

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A recent study reveals that 23%-85% of every child, between the ages of 2 and 4 years, experience temper tantrum. This is a common behavioural pattern among children in this age range. 

So if you have a 2-year-old child crying, kicking and screaming furiously on the floor, don’t be scared or annoyed at them, it’s part of the toddler’s development. 

It’s not possible to eliminate a toddler’s tantrum but there are ways a parent can successfully resolve them, limit its frequency and ultimately prevent its reoccurrence in adulthood. 

What is Temper Tantrum?

Temper Tantrum is an emotional outburst or flare-up of anger and frustration that occur, mostly, in younger children. It is, usually, a response to unmet needs or wants. It is characterized by usual whining, crying, screaming, kicking, vomiting, breaking things, hitting or getting aggressive and breath-holding.

In this article, I describe the reasons why tantrums happen and how you as a parent can help your child cope with big emotions.

Albert Einstein stated that doing the same thing continuously and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.  Applying approaches or strategies out of habit with your child and expecting different results only frustrates you the parent and emboldens the child. However, if you change the perspective as well as open your mind to new responses to a strong-willed child, you will see different behaviour patterns start to emerge. 

I always encourage parents to use a "strong-willed child" rather than a "stubborn child" when addressing their children. Because labels are negative and create resentment. Strong-willed children have strong personality traits. It is important to honour their needs and their unique personalities when teaching them positive discipline while maintaining a healthy parent-child connection based on love and trust.

Power struggles

Perhaps the biggest struggle that a parent has with a strong-willed child is maintaining control. With most children, it is easy to assert that you are the parent and that you should and will be listened to. Yet, with the strong-willed child, this does not work. This is due to the child’s need to have validation and reasoning. Additionally, using “take away” tactics does not work either because eventually, you give whatever you took away back.

To be effective, a parent should try to let the child know that they are listening and working with them as opposed to trying to assert their power over them.

When in a situation that calls for your voice as a parent to be heard, try to remember to stay calm. This may be difficult for you to do, but it needs to be done. If necessary, take time away from the situation so that you can calm yourself down and address the situation. Once you have calmed down, try to avoid certain behaviours which will trigger a child’s stubbornness. Firstly, avoid using labels or identifiers on your child. Secondly, know the triggers that you have and avoid walking into “emotional traps” which could anger you and cause a hostile confrontation. Lastly, listen to your child so that you can respond and address the situation properly rather than react.

If you as a parent wish to have guidance and support to help you identify your parenting triggers so that you do not lose your cool every time you are faced with a parenting challenge then, I believe that an awareness of the self is the key to a more joyful and fulfilling parenting experience. That’s why I created my course From Crazy To Calm - The Empowered Parent Program. Self-Awareness For More Joyful Parenting to help parents gain more self-awareness. and self-control. When you enrol in my course, you become part of a private support group where parents interact and share meaningful feedback with each other https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/crazy-to-calm-the-empowering-parent-program 

Let them learn

Sometimes allowing children to learn from their experiences or from the natural consequences of their behaviour is what helps them to understand certain things. Your strong-willed child might insist on wearing sandals in the middle of winter despite all your effort not to. Instead of getting into any type of power struggle,  explain why it is not a good idea to wear sandals in winter and if your child still insists, pack his/her boots to be on the safe side and allow him/her to wear their sandals so that your child learns from direct experience that sandals are not for winter. There are situations where no means no and other situations where you can allow your child to learn directly from their mistakes. Let the child find out the consequences of their actions when they do not pose harm to themselves or others. Be careful not to say "I told you so" once the outcome has played out. Also, do not shield them from the consequences of their actions. It is important that the child understands that their behaviours have consequences.

Get on the same page

Strong-willed children tend to have the perception that their parents are against them. Listening to your child and avoiding power struggles allows for that perception to change. Try to keep the home as a peaceful place, a refuge from the outside world. Managing behaviours may need to be adjusted to maintain peace. Try to avoid saying no to your child as much as possible, instead give the child options to choose from. This gives the Strong-Willed Child the sense that you are on the same page. Positive discipline is much more effective than traditional approaches, such as threats, warnings, withdrawal of love, power struggles, punishments and control. This might sound so unconventional but parents can benefit from working with a parent coach to put in place a positive discipline plan and tried and tested strategies that can work and empower both parents and children. 

Setting up for success

To ensure success with your strong-willed child, there are a few things which you should do. These methods will encourage interaction with your child but will remove the barriers of negativity. First, give the child plenty of choices. Second, turn tasks or chores into a game. Make it something that they want to do and you will not have to battle with them to do it. Be creative. Establishing clear, kind and firm boundaries help children feel safe because they know what to expect.   Avoid using words like punishment, making a list of misconduct and misbehaviour, instead focus on all the positives. Nobody likes to be ordered around, there are so many positive ways to help your child learn about boundaries and discipline. If your child responds to you only when you yell and threaten to take away possessions then your strong-willed child will develop immunity to the parent's reactions. It is only a temporary fix. You do not have to lose control as a parent to feel in control. Again, a change of perspective and a positive responsive attitude to learning how best to support your child can definitely be more beneficial to all members of the family.

Be Consistent

Above all, parents need to establish a routine with their children. Routines allow the child to consistently feel safe and secure. It also allows the child to know what to expect from day to day. If your child knows what to expect from day to day or week to week, the behaviour will change. Essentially, involving children in the planning of their routines helps children to take ownership of their progress and achievements. This involves guiding children in their decision making: but this is guided choice, and not necessarily a free choice. 

For child-initiated activities, allowing time for the children to plan and discuss their activity in advance will bring greater clarity to the children's thought process and will provide further opportunities for stimulating ideas. 

Meet the Trainer

Hello, my name is Arlette Shohmelian and I am a mother of two daughters. I am the Founding Director at Parent Tree; I am also a trained psychologist, parent coach, certified trainer, and a well-being consultant with over 20 years of counselling experience.

I would love to hear from you! 

E-mail: arlette@parentttree.com

Subscribe to my newsletter: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/blog

Book a session: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/book-session

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In today’s society schedules and activities have become more demanding on parents. From social activities, work, school-related meetings, and more adults have several excuses for not having enough time or energy to focus upon self-care. But is self-care really important and if so how can self-care be implemented into the day to day routine without overwhelming the parent?

What is self-care?

There is a misconception that self-care is something substantial and unobtainable. Yet, this is not the case. Self-care is any activity that focuses on a person’s well-being, whether that is emotional or physical. As such, the activities which focus on self-care are also those which focus on self-awareness. The more that you are aware of yourself, your emotions, and your physical well-being, the keener you will be to finding activities that address such issues.

Does Self Care matter

As adults, it is common for us to assume that we have everything under control, even if we do not. Self-care can sometimes take the back seat to our kids and other’s needs. Yet, this is detrimental. It is like putting pressure on a balloon. While the balloon may flex and warp to the pressure being added to it for a time, eventually the pressure will cause the balloon to pop. Avoiding self-care is not a minor thing, eventually, something will have to give.

Considering self-care, we can break it into two parts. The first is what we see physically. Note that I said what we see, not what other people see or how we want others to see us. Secondly is how we feel about how we view ourselves and things in our life. In short, self-care demands a focus on the physical and the emotional.

Physical Self Care

Physical self-care is the foundation for having the best life possible. Self-care includes the physical activities that promote the best state of physical well-being for the parent. This can be a bath or shower, brushing one’s teeth, taking a walk, eating a healthy meal, or performing activities that reduce stress such as sleeping, watching a movie, or going to the park. It could even be something as simple as taking a break to drink a cup of water. If the activity lowers stress, increases physical well-being, and causes the body to be in a healthier state, it is physical self-care.

Emotional Self Care

Coupled with physical self-care is emotional self-care. Studies have shown that many adults will experience a form of depression and that nearly 10% of all adults will suffer from an emotionally based mental illness in their lifetime. This is not saying that all of these adults will be affected permanently, but that they will go through a time of emotional distress. Emotional self-care helps to prevent such things from happening. While physical self-care focuses on the external body (as well as the internal physical body parts), emotional self-care focuses on the why and how of an adult.

The Why Questions

The Why of an adult is a complicated concept. However, we can break it down as being the answers that most of us have. Why is today important? Why do I think that this or that is paramount to a successful day? Why am I here? Why should I do this? Why do I care what this person thinks? These are just a few of the questions of why. But it is not just focusing on the questions to have better emotional self-care. Once we have the answers or focus on the questions, self-care means that you look for the answer or at least attempt to answer the question.

The How Questions and How they help self-care

Both the physical and the emotional question of HOW is the pivotal point on which self-care hangs. Consider the how as being the instruction manual or the detailed drawing of a car. While you may understand the basics of how a car runs, the instructions and the detailed drawing of the vehicle may give a deeper insight and understanding, and thereby allow for better care of the car. Additionally, if you have trained yourself on viewing the details (such as a mechanic in our example) you start to understand the signs to look for when things seem a bit off.

How to focus on emotional self-care

Emotional self-care means taking the time to focus on what makes you happy, relaxed, and puts you into the best state of your ideal self. This could be singing a song, taking a time out for yourself, talking to someone else about your troubles, knowing when to say ‘no’ to a request (and additionally knowing when to say yes), focusing on being content, and trying your best to let go of things which you cannot control.

There are times when emotional issues may become too much for an individual to handle alone. If you feel suicidal, too depressed, or that you cannot handle emotional self-care alone, seek professional help.

A better you makes for a better life

When self-care is at the forefront of your life, your life becomes better. Because you are focusing on what makes you happy and healthy, you are not as stressed and do not pass the stresses that you feel onto your children, co-workers, friends, or family. When you focus on your physical self-care, you will find yourself in better health, rejuvenated, and relaxed.

Not everyone’s method of self-care is the same. As we all have different personalities and needs, our self-care will differ from each other. Again, having a self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses as well as your hopes and dreams can help you develop a plan of self-care, driving you toward a better and more fulfilled life.

If you truly aspire to be a good parent, your first step is to strive to build a solid sense of self-awareness and this is one of the many aspects of great parenting that I detail in From Crazy to Calm; The Empowered Parent Program. This course is for you if you want to maintain this practice every single day with some self-reflection and inspection of your thoughts and actions. 

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I am Arlette, I am the Founding Director at Parent Tree; I am also a psychologist, parent coach and a mother of two with experience helping parents and children build their interactions successfully and to receive more of my tried-and-tested parenting tips, feel free to subscribe to my newsletter: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com/blog and follow me on on Facebook, LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTube

E-mail: arlette@parentttree.com

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Website: https://arletteshohmelian.podia.com

Parents are under a lot of pressure to educate and teach their kids socially appropriate behaviour by maintaining order at home. Strategic positive discipline is an important aspect in any parent or children's life and yet for many parents, it is still unclear how it can be achieved. The creation of a positive discipline plan supports parents by giving a reliable foundation and guidance. It also enables parents to use positive tools to create a stable and loving environment for their children, a skill that can be quickly learnt.

According to the American Academy of Paediatrics /AAP (2018), "Optimal child development requires the active engagement of adults who, among other functions, teach children about acceptable behaviour. The word "discipline" is derived from the Latin word "disciplinare," meaning to teach or train, as in disciple (a follower or student of a teacher, leader, or philosopher). Effective disciplinary strategies, appropriate to a child's age and development, teach the child to regulate his or her behaviour; keep him or her from harm; enhance his or her cognitive, socio-emotional, and executive functioning skills; and reinforce the behavioural patterns taught by the child's parents and caregivers."

The AAP further states that negative discipline "increases aggression and anger instead of teaching responsibility and self-control."Based on these facts, we as parents should feel encouraged to try positive discipline, to manage childhood behaviour.

Positive discipline plans include areas such as:

1. We set firm but kind boundaries, which make the child feel safe and secure

2. We provide the child with dialogue and reasoning, which educates the child to make smart choices.

3. We offer alternatives to children/young adults to choose from, which empowers the child and gives them a voice, and confidence to make choices.

4. We reinforce children's appropriate behaviour with praise that leads to a content child wanting to act positively.

5. We avoid comparisons; this teaches our children to concentrate on their abilities and be aware and confident of their skills.

6. We set routines; continuity leads to a relaxed environment and our children do not need to worry if they know what lies ahead of them.

7. We work on a stable sleep pattern which is vital for a child's physical and mental development.

8. We manage Screen time and avoid smart devices in the bedroom and during meals or family time

to encourage real-life experiences, which provide our children with the skills to be happy adults.

9. We keep an eye on the sugar intake of our children; sugar does not only lead to bad teeth and weight gain but does affect our brain and its function, affecting concentration.

10. We avoid overscheduling our life, in an attempt to live a balanced life. Our children should learn from early days how beneficial an outstanding work/life balance is. Part of this will be the planning of age-appropriate chores, but also fun time activities.

Every child and every parent is different; therefore, the approach to parenting must be individually tailored to the circumstances and environment the child matures in.

It is highly recommended and effective to work with a professional on strategies to develop a positive discipline plan that is firm but kind that children learn to respect and follow willingly while building resilience. Be a proactive parent and book your 15-minute free consultation session by clicking on the link below.

Arlette Shohmelian is a parent coach and mother of two with experience helping parents and children build their interactions successfully and receive more of her tried-and-tested parenting tips. Feel free to follow her on Social media.

Book your 15-minute complimentary consultation here https://calendly.com/parenttree/15-minutes?month=2021-09&back=1 

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